Hi there!

So today i'm not going to write part 3 of my story like i told you. I had a thought.
A thought about love.
Some may think its a easy and boring topic to write about, but i promise it isnt.
I mean, nearly every song is about love. So many books are about it. there are different kinds of love.
In fact love isnt just love.
its a bizarre thing. I have been in love many times. and always in different ways. And i cried about love too.
I will write down the kinds of love i think exist. because in my opinion its not just "love"

There is that "omg, that guy is so hot, i'm in love" which is a love just from the outside. if you havent seen him for a week, you already forgott him. well.

Then there is the "he is an asshole, but i love him" which is terrible. Whether it stays for months ore years, its always connected with lots of pain.

Then there is "I am in love with him, but i cant reach him" which is that way with famous people who you will probably never meet. thats bad.

Then there is "I love him, because everybody loves him" which is a dumb thing, but you cant controll it anyway.

Then there is "He is special. omg." thats the kind of guy who seems perfect for you. it can be that its on both ends and it will break your heart if it isnt.

Then there is just "family love". that has nothing to do with " beeing in love". its just loving your family and your friends, which is what keeps the family bound together.

I think that are all i could think of that moment. What i wanted to admit with this is, that love can be amazing and terible. Depends on if it hits you in a good ore a bad way. i have experienced them all.
You know what i hate are the people who think everybody must love them  because they find themselfes so perfect. makes me wanna scream at them "no, shut up"
There is one thing that makes me happy. I know that there will be a guy/girl for everyone at the end. even if i am not perfect at all, there will be someone finding me perfect.
And even if you are not perfect at all, there is someone who wont think so.
this was probably my most confusing blog ever, but i just had to tell someone whats going on in my mind. At the moment.
ps. it would be amazing if you wrote in the comments telling what your experiences are:)

next time i will write part 3 of my story.

see ya xx

hi there!

so this is part 2.
But first I want to say, that I have been thinking about this. I wonder if its right to share your private story with literally everybody. The internet is huge. I don't know if I will feel sorry for writing this, some years later. Maby I will have changed my opinion about everything then. And if so, I would never be able to delete what I wrote. maby out of here, but not out of peoples minds. Maby it's even dangerous. I don't know.
The only thing I know for sure is, that I still want to do it.
You reading this right now, can you do me a favor? Please comment. Tell me what YOU think. That would be amazing.
ps. please read part one before this.

starting in 2010.
My first day of secondary school was terrible, because nobody was like me. For strangers i probably just looked  like that quiet skiny girl, stuck in her own world, that was by the way was turned upside down.
I tried to talk to some classmates, but they talked about things i knew nothing about and ignored me.
Then a girl asked why I was following them around, in a realy nasty voice. After that, i never tried to befriend with them again.
I had never been a quiet girl that nobody cares about before. Suddenly beeing one hurt me a lot because i already had thin skin from what happened to my life recently.
I was defenseless and because teenaegers can be so horrible, they started to bully me. And I couldnt do ore say anything. They would laugh at me anyway.
Now that you know what happened at school, i will tell you what happened on my inside.
The transformation that slowly happened. I didnt even realy notice it untill it was very bad.
first signs were that I couldnt go on sleepovers. I would be so homesick. But that homesick was only a inner fear. a fear that something could happen to my dad while i was away.
then I couldnt visit my friends at all anymore. i was to terrified to leave home.
And I had feelings for objects, which were full of memories for me. Memories of the time when everyting was fine, I mean childhood memories.
And last, I wasn't able to go to school anymore. I remember riding my bike ther, and that i apruply turned around and rode back home, crying.
and those were just some thing that happened to me.
When I think back at it, i feel that anxiety again, and it makes me sad. I couldnt realy enjoy life because deep inside, i was always scared to loose my dad, after i had already lost my mum.
I think i gave up a lot of times. There were months where i cried every night.
I remember asking my dad "what if i will never be normal again?" he always told me that wouldn't happen.
He was right, but I didnt realy belief him at back then. I went through a lot of  ups and downs.
I nearly started crying while writing this. I'm not even lying. Thinking back does still hurt and it probably always will.
In part 3 I am going to write how I got back up and tell you about my illness.

Please tell me in the comments, if anything like that happened to you. And what you think about it all. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

see ya xx

Hi there!

So in my first post, I said i would tell you "my story". I don't know if anyone even wants to read it. But if there is just one person, it is worth writing this.
I was born in 2000.
I remember that growing up, I always was a happy, nosy little girl, with a amount confidence, that even some adults dont reach.
I did weird things, like randomly saying "hello, i am Artemis, who are you?" to strangers.
on my first day at kindergarden, i met my best friend Anna. I mention her here, because she plays a part in the story, being there from the beginning to now. I could tell you a lot of things we experienced together, but thats not the point of the story today..
More importand now is to tell you why I had such a confidence and happiness. I was like I was, because I had my family always with me. my family, that were my mum, my dad and my big brother, Myron. I felt strong, because my family was strong.
From my first school years, i have mostly positiv memories. And of course those where you think "what the hell, why did i do that?!" ...anyway. I had no problem finding friends and got good grades.
But of course I didn't notice the "behind the sence" of my life, because I was to young, and because I thought everything would be ok. I wasnt used to anything else.
I have to say my parents did never realy fight. Maby their love just burned down like a candle, and some day, that candle was gone.
My mum started traveling a lot, we stayed at home. Like I just said, I did not expect anything to happen. she always told me it was going to be alright and stuff.
One day I found out she had a boyfriend.
I remember my dad anouncing it, and that I ran to my mum crying, not even realy understanding what it all ment. the only thing I thought was "my perfect family. Its broken"
Even my brother cryed. I have never seen him crying before or after that. He then just cut our mum out of his live.
and again, she told me, everything was going to be alright. and I belived it. but she was wrong.
At first no big changes happened. Only that mum went to visit her boyfriend a lot. Eventhough he lives far away from our home. Nobody said anything about "divorce", and "moving out".
But clearly my dad was not happy with what she did. and it broke my little 10 year old heart to see him suffering.
that time I completed primary school and where i live there is diferent types of schools to go after that. and with the bad luck I had recently, I had to go to another school than all of my friends.
At first I thought everything was going to be fine. but I was wrong. never in my wildest dreams I could have known what was going to happen.

second part coming soon.

see ya xx

Hi there!
This is my very first post on my very first blog. Feels kinda strange to be honest, but in a good way.
I guess I should tell you some things about myself so you know what to expect for my coming posts.
first things first, I am not a nativ english speaker, so if my sentences sound funny sometimes...well.
So, I wanted to start this blog because I have a lot of thoughts and so much so say. and I want to let other people know them and hear their thoughts about it.
I have always written. I mean since I learned how to.. I wrote/write  little storys, big storys, poems, and  diary. And now this.
I don't know where the ideas come from, but my mind is full of them. I'm weird, get used to it;)
I am a 14 year old teenage girl now. have a loving (and "special") family, the best friends I could ask for and am most of the time happy. But this hasn't always been that way. I spent 4 years of my life crying and always full of anxiety. thats also a reason why I wanted to start this, I want to share my story. maybe there are other people out there who went through the same sort of thing.
so if you are interested in whats going on in a red headed teenage girls mind, I think you are right here.

see ya xx